This is a story I started in lockdown but I have not finished. Hope you enjoy!☺
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Preview
I am walking up the track that I think is the way home but this is not the way home. Why am I going up?...
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“HURRY UP GO TO SCHOOL !!” my mum screams at me “ok I am going” I mumble under my breath. I start to walk trying to hold back my tears, my school is half an hour away from my house but i'd rather walk than go with my mum or my dad. They are abusive and don’t love me and if I tell anyone that they hurt me my parents said they would “send me to an orphanage and make sure none of my family know I am there” so I have never told anyone but even if I did I can't go anywhere else. All my other family members are either dead or they live on the other side of the world in Australia and I live in Unalaska, Alaska. With a population of around 4,524. I did live in Australia but my mum and dad said “it would be better for us to move so we can have a better life” or something like that, I miss my old house so much it was a little cottage right opposite the beach. I went surfing every day that I could and every summer me and my two best friends Mia and Skye went surfing at 5:00 in the morning, went back to Mia's house, had lunch then went back to the beach and stayed there till 12:00 at night. I miss my friends. I was happy there because my parents didn't hurt me; they started abusing me after they had decided to move . Here I have one friend Lilly but I can only see her during school hours because her parents are very strict. They don't let anyone who is not a family member in their house for some reason. “BREE!” my friend yells from across the street “hey lilly'' I say wiping away my tears making sure she does not see “how are you?” She asks if I'm not ok. I want to scream but I can't so I lie “great, you?” “I’m good, what is that on your arm?” Shoot I forgot to put makeup on it “umm...I fell over when I got home and it bruised my arm” “oh ok” she replied. When we get to school I go straight to my locker and grab the books I need for my first class which is art my favorite subject. The bell rings and I sprint down to class 12 art class. I sit down at my desk and wait for the teacher to come in. The blonde, young, sweet teacher walks in with her expensive handbag in one hand and her cup of coffee in her other. She says in a cheerful voice “Good Morning class!” and we all say bluntly “good morning Miss Miller” “OK open your art books, today we are going to be drawing self portraits¨.
Hmmm, a very good beginning Sophie, you’ve put a lot of work into this story.
ReplyDeleteThe preview hooked me in. I’d like to see you space your work a little by using paragraphs and the speech rules. It would make it easier and more reader friendly.
Do you remember Mr Redmond’s speech rules? Start each new characters speech on a new line.
I hope you finish this Sophie I’m very interested to see how Lilly views herself and what kind of self portrait she will do.
Sophie this story is very interesting and creative. I love how you put a lot of description on how the main character is feeling. I suggest that next time a new character is speaking, go on to a new line. I hope to see more of this story.
ReplyDeleteHi Sophie B I think that your story was cool. I like that you put a preview at the start so we could see what happend if we didn't see part 1.
ReplyDeleteKind Regards Everley